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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. Erma Bombeck |
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
Erma Bombeck
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Erma Bombeck
Who, in their infinite wisdom, decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.
Erma Bombeck
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there's a wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck
Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.
Erma Bombeck
I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.
Erma Bombeck
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed.
Erma Bombeck
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with white carpet is one of them.
Erma Bombeck
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
Erma Bombeck
Erma Bombeck Quotes #10
Erma Bombeck
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